As I am currently preparing myself to start staging again by studying, practicing, working out and tending to this blog, I'm finding myself in the midst of a lot of great opportunities I am excited about. However, I'm always nervous.
I look back, and remember I had the same feeling my first day at culinary school, the first time I volunteered to assist teaching the public how to cook, or preparing for my first competition. My first Friday night after pulling a full day shift. I remember my first day at my externship. I was so nervous every time. Then, once I was in my zone, I was fine.
Before cooking, I used to bypass opportunities out of fear and anxiety. I've always been the type of person to psychoanalyze myself, which turns into psyching myself out. I've realized how grateful I am having down time at the moment. I was so pissed off and frustrated before physical therapy. I wanted to work. I didn't want to be home.
So I made a job out of it. I started to work out consistently, ensuring I do not lose my kitchen endurance. I started studying. I read, and learn a new tidbit of information every single day. I become fascinated with an ingredient, and learn as much as possible about it. not just how to utilize it. I practice. up until recently, I had a very limited time to practice. I cooked daily, but I'm talking about those long nights in the kitchen, and going all Thomas Keller on someone's ass.
When I started this blog, I started meeting new people, and networking with other people. I have learned how to communicate with people honestly. On rare occasion, when I took a lunch break and had to exit through the restaurant, it is most likely you will be stopped by a customer. "Chef, excuse me! I haven't been seated! Chef, I was happy/unhappy with what I ate. I'm assuming YOU MADE IT" I always feel so anxious when dealing with customers. I'm not a chef yet. I'm a line cook. I'm off the clock, so go piss off... is what I wanted to say.
I'd direct them to the appropriate person to speak with regarding their concerns or praises. I'd struggle. I did my externship at a restaurant owned by a famous personality. I was a little embarrassed about externing there, only because I roll my eyes at this person, but they were willing to work around my tight schedule instead of wanting me to be there on their terms. So I was grateful. However, you'd be surprised at how many people asked me where this famous person was daily.
I felt like saying "Fuck if I know ya drunk crone!" but of course, I tried gracefully to tell them I hadn't met the jer... person.
At this same restaurant, I externed as a prep cook. I remember pulling a 15 hour shift on a Saturday, so I could gain my hours needed. Dragging my feet to my car, a man approaches me and says "HEY CHEF! YOUR FOOD SUCKS" I looked at him and said, sorry sir, I'm an intern here (the word extern confuses people). He said YEA RIGHT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH A WHITE COAT HERE, CHEF!
"Sir, I'm a student, and I have to wear my school uniform. I'm asking you to back off. I feel really uncomfortable" (shady side of town, late at night, not a well lit parking lot in the back alley).
I worked at a bed and breakfast on the weekend mornings as a part time, second job. The "chef" at this place was utterly retarded when it came to cooking. I had to serve our guests who dined in the dining room too. I was the one required to dress in my kitchen uniform, while this person didn't. The food that I DID NOT MAKE was embarrassing. I soon quit that job, since it wasn't full filling at all. It was a joke. Here you go sir, here is your baked grapefruit with a big star anise sticking out of it. En fucking JOY! I'd take my chef whites off after my shift, just so people didn't think I made that bullshit. I finally grew a pair, spoke my mind, and quit. Gorgeous place that I was excited to work at, until I started working there.
When I first started high volume cooking on the line, I was nervous. I hate being the new kid. The FNG, as sir Bourdain says. I shut down a few times when I was in the weeds, and it didn't help when I had an overly asshole, lazy as fuck boss whispering in my ear how much of an idiot I was. I overcame all of that, and can now work harmoniously on a Saturday night with hundreds of covers, not enough plates, and the pizza cook burning the shit out of everything. Taking it upon myself to direct HIS timing and letting him know I'm ready to fire and need the ok from him. I'm now focused and energetic when on the line. In my environment, in my space. I own it. I see it more than I see my own family. I look back, and realized, I progressed.
So, the point to my story is, me being at home, and utilizing my time appropriately, has given me a new sense of confidence when speaking with other people. I feel like this time around, when a customer, drunk, happy, miserable, etc, approaches me, I'll be able to address the situation with full confidence, and not poker face it.
You have to get out of your own way. Every time you overcome a difficult task, you've just progressed. One day, when I am Chef de Cuisine or Executive Chef, etc, I'll have no problem speaking with guests. People forget being eloquently spoken and having a healthy confidence about yourself is so important when you're a chef.
I only know this because I observe everyone I'm in contact with. There has to be a balance. You have to be somewhat humble, but not too humble. Somewhat cocky, but not a jackass. You have to create beautiful food, and it has to be a reflection of who you are. It will be whether you like it or not. If your food is bad quality, or ugly, it reflects on how much you care. If it is totally off base with a specific region and considered traditional, it shows your ignorance. If you take the time, focus on what type of basil you'd like to compliment this dish, whether the dish is difficult to prepare or simple, you will shine through. I know I have a long way to go, and I'm not in a hurry. As long as I progress every day, in some way or another, I know I'm on the right path.
Sometimes I forget how hard it was. It's only getting harder, and I'm prepared the best way I can be with the tools I do have, and make the best of it. To put it this way, I may not have a vegetable peeler on hand, but I have my chef's knife. So the job will get done, and it will get done right!
Amber~
I look back, and remember I had the same feeling my first day at culinary school, the first time I volunteered to assist teaching the public how to cook, or preparing for my first competition. My first Friday night after pulling a full day shift. I remember my first day at my externship. I was so nervous every time. Then, once I was in my zone, I was fine.
Before cooking, I used to bypass opportunities out of fear and anxiety. I've always been the type of person to psychoanalyze myself, which turns into psyching myself out. I've realized how grateful I am having down time at the moment. I was so pissed off and frustrated before physical therapy. I wanted to work. I didn't want to be home.
So I made a job out of it. I started to work out consistently, ensuring I do not lose my kitchen endurance. I started studying. I read, and learn a new tidbit of information every single day. I become fascinated with an ingredient, and learn as much as possible about it. not just how to utilize it. I practice. up until recently, I had a very limited time to practice. I cooked daily, but I'm talking about those long nights in the kitchen, and going all Thomas Keller on someone's ass.
When I started this blog, I started meeting new people, and networking with other people. I have learned how to communicate with people honestly. On rare occasion, when I took a lunch break and had to exit through the restaurant, it is most likely you will be stopped by a customer. "Chef, excuse me! I haven't been seated! Chef, I was happy/unhappy with what I ate. I'm assuming YOU MADE IT" I always feel so anxious when dealing with customers. I'm not a chef yet. I'm a line cook. I'm off the clock, so go piss off... is what I wanted to say.
I'd direct them to the appropriate person to speak with regarding their concerns or praises. I'd struggle. I did my externship at a restaurant owned by a famous personality. I was a little embarrassed about externing there, only because I roll my eyes at this person, but they were willing to work around my tight schedule instead of wanting me to be there on their terms. So I was grateful. However, you'd be surprised at how many people asked me where this famous person was daily.
I felt like saying "Fuck if I know ya drunk crone!" but of course, I tried gracefully to tell them I hadn't met the jer... person.
At this same restaurant, I externed as a prep cook. I remember pulling a 15 hour shift on a Saturday, so I could gain my hours needed. Dragging my feet to my car, a man approaches me and says "HEY CHEF! YOUR FOOD SUCKS" I looked at him and said, sorry sir, I'm an intern here (the word extern confuses people). He said YEA RIGHT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH A WHITE COAT HERE, CHEF!
"Sir, I'm a student, and I have to wear my school uniform. I'm asking you to back off. I feel really uncomfortable" (shady side of town, late at night, not a well lit parking lot in the back alley).
I worked at a bed and breakfast on the weekend mornings as a part time, second job. The "chef" at this place was utterly retarded when it came to cooking. I had to serve our guests who dined in the dining room too. I was the one required to dress in my kitchen uniform, while this person didn't. The food that I DID NOT MAKE was embarrassing. I soon quit that job, since it wasn't full filling at all. It was a joke. Here you go sir, here is your baked grapefruit with a big star anise sticking out of it. En fucking JOY! I'd take my chef whites off after my shift, just so people didn't think I made that bullshit. I finally grew a pair, spoke my mind, and quit. Gorgeous place that I was excited to work at, until I started working there.
When I first started high volume cooking on the line, I was nervous. I hate being the new kid. The FNG, as sir Bourdain says. I shut down a few times when I was in the weeds, and it didn't help when I had an overly asshole, lazy as fuck boss whispering in my ear how much of an idiot I was. I overcame all of that, and can now work harmoniously on a Saturday night with hundreds of covers, not enough plates, and the pizza cook burning the shit out of everything. Taking it upon myself to direct HIS timing and letting him know I'm ready to fire and need the ok from him. I'm now focused and energetic when on the line. In my environment, in my space. I own it. I see it more than I see my own family. I look back, and realized, I progressed.
So, the point to my story is, me being at home, and utilizing my time appropriately, has given me a new sense of confidence when speaking with other people. I feel like this time around, when a customer, drunk, happy, miserable, etc, approaches me, I'll be able to address the situation with full confidence, and not poker face it.
You have to get out of your own way. Every time you overcome a difficult task, you've just progressed. One day, when I am Chef de Cuisine or Executive Chef, etc, I'll have no problem speaking with guests. People forget being eloquently spoken and having a healthy confidence about yourself is so important when you're a chef.
I only know this because I observe everyone I'm in contact with. There has to be a balance. You have to be somewhat humble, but not too humble. Somewhat cocky, but not a jackass. You have to create beautiful food, and it has to be a reflection of who you are. It will be whether you like it or not. If your food is bad quality, or ugly, it reflects on how much you care. If it is totally off base with a specific region and considered traditional, it shows your ignorance. If you take the time, focus on what type of basil you'd like to compliment this dish, whether the dish is difficult to prepare or simple, you will shine through. I know I have a long way to go, and I'm not in a hurry. As long as I progress every day, in some way or another, I know I'm on the right path.
Sometimes I forget how hard it was. It's only getting harder, and I'm prepared the best way I can be with the tools I do have, and make the best of it. To put it this way, I may not have a vegetable peeler on hand, but I have my chef's knife. So the job will get done, and it will get done right!
Amber~
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